Here I am again. It has been a long time! A lot has gone on since last time I wrote. It’s too much to put into one post, but I’m sure they’ll all make an appearance at some point along the way.
I wanted to jot down a few thoughts here about the new year.
It’s 2023!
What does it mean, besides writing down the wrong year on checks for the next month or so?
Well, for some reason, we have gotten it fixed in our minds that a change of year should mean some kind of change in our lives, so we make these wonderful “New Year’s Resolutions.” I will abbreviate this from now on as NYR, mostly because I’m too lazy to type it repeatedly.
So, what are my NYRs? Dieting, for sure, especially after all that holiday food around Christmas. Well, I don’t diet, but let’s say a more healthy nutrition and exercise regimen. I know I have put on a few too many (okay, WAY too many) pounds in the last three years.
I won’t make excuses. I had a good thing going and let it slide when I had a hand injury. Then a whole lotta life happened, and the siren song of comfort food has been too enticing to ignore. So, I want to get back exercising and get some of this weight off, especially since I have a bunch of nice clothes that don’t fit anymore and I really don’t want to start putting together a new wardrobe designed by Omar the Tentmaker. I made this public at church already, so I have some accountability partners.
Okay, get in shape and lost some weight, check.
Another good NYR: do more reading and less social media and/or binge watching. The social media and binge watching bug has bitten me in a major way. I look at my weekly usage statistics and think: “they can’t be serious!” But, apparently they are. I have made a goal to read at least 150 books this year. I will be practicing to increase my reading speed as well, by the way. If I don’t start finishing multiple books a week, my tbr list won’t be finished until I’m in my 90s – and that is if nothing is added to the list. I have to laugh at that one. I see new books I want to read practically every day.
Okay, read more. Already started on that. Check.
One more NYR: get my life in order. This is the biggie. I say this all the time. I THINK this all the time. I KNOW I have organization problems, and not just because my wife reminds me of it, either. Routine is something I have a hard time putting together myself. I don’t know how many different planners I have bought, hoping they would help me get things in order. I have installed I don’t know how many apps on my computer, phone, and tablet, trying to get caught up in that perfect “organization storm” that would sweep me up and finally put me over the top.
It has never happened. It has been the same story every time: start strong, let it slide at some point, and eventually forget it. It got so bad, I was looking at “new” things for my tablet, only to find I already had downloaded and tried them.
Well, a couple of months ago, I finally got an answer that explained a lot: ADHD.
ADHD is a wonderful disorder that encompasses a lot of things going on in the brain. The biggie is executive function. This is part of our mental process that allows us to do neat things like planning, focusing our attention, remembering instructions, and managing tasks (especially managing more than one task at once).
I had noticed problems like this for years. It seemed I always felt overwhelmed when I worked in IT and a lot of things came at once (which was a typical day). I got frustrated and would have to keep a rein on my temper. It was all I could do to get through a work day so I could just go home and zone out in front of the TV or with a good book.
When I got married and had a bunch of new responsibilities, I really began to hit a wall. My wife (bless her) often got the brunt of my reactions. It wasn’t because anything was especially difficult. It was my brain. I wasn’t able to handle the new everyday stuff along with everything else (which I was barely handling anyway).
With ADHD, it’s not a problem of not hearing or getting things. In fact, it has some similarities to autism in that EVERYTHING gets through. We don’t have that wonderful filter that allows us to block out background things. When I’m talking to someone, I hear the conversations going on around me and I CAN’T IGNORE THEM. That’s the attention deficit part. We can pay attention to something until something else interesting comes by, and… OH LOOK, A SQUIRREL!
I spent a lot of years thinking horrible things about myself. It didn’t help when some people would accuse me of not caring because I was so forgetful (another wonderful part of ADHD). I would get all kinds of “advice” about how to organize my life. One suggestion was to write everything down on Post-It notes, so they would always be in my face where I couldn’t ignore them. Wanna bet? If I did that, I would end up with a room wallpapered with Post-It notes I wouldn’t even notice anymore.
I’m rambling (yet another ADHD thing). Long story short, I am finally getting medication that will, hopefully, help. It will take a few weeks to really take effect, so I’m doing the waiting game. I’m still waiting on a full assessment to find out just what flavor of ADHD I have and how severe it is (I have heard that can take months before you get in). But, at least I’m getting some help while I wait.
So there’s the long and short of it. I want to get back into this blog and try to to write in some kind of semi-regular way. In the meantime, pray for me. If you have something, leave a comment and I’ll pray for you. We weren’t meant to go through this life alone – het, we weren’t even meant to go it alone with Jesus at our side. We need each other, folks!
I love you!
The Road Less Traveled 